What was it that somebody said that just seemed to ‘rub you the wrong way’? Maybe it was your boss, a teacher, your son or daughter, maybe even your spouse! It wasn’t what they said…it was how they said it. For the sake of this blog, we are going to just talk about, talking. When we speak, we include other aspects of communication that are not typically found in texts, emails, chats, and old-fashioned letters.
So, what are those nuances in our verbal communication that impact the way we receive the message? Consider for a moment what it ‘feels’ like when somebody raises their voice (YELLS!) at you…or, that tone of sarcasm that comes through, even though the words seemed okay. When a sentence starts with the word, ‘YOU,’ what do you think is getting ready to come next—probably not a compliment. Name calling? – forget anything productive happening after that one.
If you are not in a military setting, where it may serve a purpose on the battlefield or in the barracks, ‘barking orders’ at home probably doesn’t provide an environment that motivates one’s ‘get-up-and-go.’
The better way to go. What does that look like? How do we do it? Why do we do it? For whom do we do it? Think about if you are the receiver of the message, how would you like to be addressed? Respect, consideration, benefit of the doubt, understanding, empathy, compassion, interest, diplomacy, grace, are some words that come to mind. Our statements do not have to be of a ‘warm and fuzzy,’ nature. We can be direct, while showing respect. We can get to the point, and be courteous. It is possible for us to provide instruction, without being insulting or offensive.
For a better chance of hearing and receiving the delivery of a message, the word, “I”, becomes key, also referred to as an “I” message. “I” messages look something like this; ‘I feel (insert word of feeling/emotion), when, (insert word of behavior/event/circumstance), because, (result/effect/consequence). Example: “I feel great after reading these blogs, because afterward, I am so much smarter!” Just an example, mind you.
Another example, though, of a message delivery is a dialogue between a couple: ‘I get frustrated when I don’t get an answer, after I ask you something, because then I start to think that you don’t care.’ That will probably go a lot better than saying to the other, ‘you’re an uncaring, JERK!’ (It may feel better saying this, but only for a moment…not really worth it).
So, this is the ‘tease,’ blog, just to get you thinking; “how do others communicate with me?” “How do I communicate with others?” For those interested in honing those communication skills, keep checking into our website, for events, and/or appointments with our staff, to further explore, how, you too, can be a better messenger!
Challenges are a normal part of life, you are not alone. Our team at Rosario Counseling & Associates is made up of caring and compassionate members, our front office staff are warm and welcoming to the understanding counselors that are skilled with the knowledge to help you and your loved ones. If you or someone you love is interested in developing coping strategies, gaining insight or learning valuable tools Rosario Counseling & Associates is the right fit for you. If you are interested in learning more about how Rosario Counseling & Associates can help you, contact our office at 919-649-5882.
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